In an open letter titled “We are Maoists”, a group calling itself `Dosa Eating South Indians’ (DESI) has said Mamata does not realise the value of `Mao’. “Nothing is possible in south India without Mao (batter). And it better be fresh Mao because if it is a bit sour, the taste of dosa will not be good. In fact, restaurants that prepare dosas with sour mao are boycotted by DESI members. And Mamata Banerjee’s comments have indeed left a sour taste.”

Another group calling itself the `Mamis of Mylapore’ too has condemned Mamata Banerjee calling everyone a Maoist.

“How can she call the people of West Bengal Maoists. We in Tamilnadu are the original Maoists. Let her come here to Chennai and repeat the statement. We will give her a befitting reply. Also the Mao of Mylapore is not the same as Mao of Tambaram or of K K Nagar. Or say the Mao of Madurai or Malleswaram in Bangalore. Depending on the proportions, every Mao is different. Like the dosa Mao is different from idli Mao,” Kamakshi Gopalakrishnan, President of MoM told `Tenali Rama Reports’.

The groups also want to write to the CPI (Maoist) to change the outlawed party name back to People’s War Group or call themselves naxals, in order to avoid giving the south Indian Mao a bad name. They are finding out if Maoist top boss Ganapathy has a postal or email address.

Reacting to reports from Tamilnadu intelligence that Maoism is spreading to the state, DESI has dismissed it as kite-flying.

“At best, it would be those poor Maoists wanting to eat some tasty dosas at Saravana Bhavan. Why else would they want to come to Tamilnadu when the state already has so many Maoists?” a spokesperson said.

Meanwhile the Andhra Pradesh chapter of DESI has said the state does not lag behind Tamilnadu in Maoism.

“Remember last year, we had prepared the longest dosa in Vijayawada using a lot of Mao (see pic). That’s our message. That is the way we finished Maoist activity in Andhra Pradesh. By having them for breakfast,” he said.

(Inspired by a tweet by Ramesh Srivats)

(Also read Tenali Rama’s exclusive on how Dinesh Trivedi actually resigned)

“This is the true poriborton,” said Sudipto Mukhopadhyay, CEO of Bengalimatrimony.com. “I know of many couples where the husband supports the CPI(M) and the wife is a TMC supporter. You can well imagine the marital discord. Didi’s diktat will ensure all Bengali families will see peace.”

CPM has described the TMC decision as a left-handed compliment and an acknowledgement of the fear that marriage to a CPM activist will make the gen-next of West Bengal also Leftist.

Sources in the Trinamool say this is only the first step. The Kolkata Traffic police has been instructed to remove `free left turns’ at all traffic intersections and make all stretches one-way. “All roads should lead only to Trinamool Congress. This will ensure smooth movement of traffic. We have been left behind for too long,” said a TMC leader. “

With Mamata not happy with Facebook posting four `controversial’ photographs, the TMC has also asked its cadre not to accept friend requests from CPM workers on Facebook. “If they poke you, poke them back. On Twitter, troll them. But do not become a follower of a CPM handle on Twitter.”

Other controversial proposals include penalising left-handed students five marks in the exam and handing out VRS to all government employees at Writers’ Building, who write with their left hand.

“It will be noted as an adverse comment in the Annual Confidential Report,” said the TMC leader.

It is also likely that Kolkata Knight Riders captain Gautam Gambhir may be gently persuaded to play right-handed instead of with the left. “We know it is not fair but at least in all matches that are played at the Eden Gardens, we want him to bat right handed. Or else, he can go back to Delhi,” said the TMC leader.

West Bengal’s ambassador Shahrukh Khan has hailed Mamata Banerjee’s decision and called it far-sighted. “I also wish to contribute to this. From now on, I will not stretch both my arms, while striking the Dilwale Dulhaniya pose. Only the right hand. Also please remember, my superhit film was called Ra.One, not L.One,” he added.

Kolkata : The Congress has decided to reach out to the Paschim Banga chief minister Mamata Banerjee, who is the target of much criticism in the social media over her handling of the cartoonist issue. Union Home minister P Chidambaram will introduce a new bill in Parliament – the National Cartoonist Terrorism Center (NCTC) – and all political parties have given their consent. The Bill puts cartooning and terrorism on par and once the Center is formed, all cartoonists and satirists will have to submit their cartoons and articles for approval and only those that are passed, can be published.

That’s not all. Finance minister Pranab Mukherjee has hinted that he will impose a 40 per cent service tax on every cartoonist and satirist. Giving details of this first-of-its-kind legislation, IT minister Kapil Sibal said cartoons cause terrible loss to the person’s credibility. “The loss is not zero. So we have to take action. We are talking to Twitter to ensure that no tweet is published about any person on our list, unless it is cleared by my ministry,” he explained.

Sources in the government told Tenali Rama that not just politicians like Karunanidhi, Rahul Gandhi, Yeddyurappa and Suresh Kalmadi have expressed happiness over the proposal to form the NCTC, non-politicians like Vijay Mallya, Shahrukh Khan and even Ravi Shastri have applied for inclusion in the NCTC list.

“All three results are possible,” said Shastri. “They could include me, not include me or may include Rameez Raja instead. Whatever it is, this decision will surely go down to the wire.”

The Left parties, who are spearheading the agitation against Mamata in Paschim Banga, are giving conditional support to the NCTC. CPI(M) leader Sitaram Yechury said, “Cartoonists should be allowed to take potshots at the people in power. Yes, those in opposition should be exempted.”

The Centre has convened a meeting in New Delhi on Monday to clarify doubts about the NCTC. RJD chief Lalu Prasad Yadav, for instance, has asked if he will also be banned under the NCTC while Jayalalithaa is all for NCTC, if only cartoons about Karunanidhi are allowed.

(Cartoon courtesy : bihardays.com)

But preceding the resignation was some high-voltage drama at Trivedi’s official residence in New Delhi. The minister had maintained that he will not resign unless Trinamool Congress chief Mamata Banerjee asked him to do so in writing. On Sunday, TMC MPs Sudip Bandyopadhyay and Derek O’ Brien were sent to Trivedi’s residence to ask him to fall in line with the party diktat and get him to sign his resignation letter. The conversation which initially took place behind closed doors, soon became a spat and with decibel levels increasing, everyone in the press corps assembled outside could hear what was going on inside.

This is the conversation that Tenali Rama, who was present at Trivedi’s residence, overheard.

Sudip Bandyopadhyay : Dada, tum sign karoge ya nahin?

Dinesh Trivedi : Haan main sign karoonga. Lekin main akele nahin karoonga. Main sabse pehle sign nahin karoonga. Pehle uss Didi ka sign le kar aa jisne mujhe Trinamool Congress me entry diya tha

SB : Dada, tum sign karoge ya nahin?

DT : Pehle ja kar uss Didi ka sign le kar aa jisne meri maa ko yeh kaha ki uska beta Member of Parliament hai

SB : Dada, tum sign karoge ya nahin?

DT : Pehle uss Didi ka sign le kar aa jis ne mere darwaze pe yeh likh diya tha ki main Rail mantri hoon aur uske baad, mere bhai, tum jis kagaz par kahoge main sign karne ko taiyaar hoon.

SB : Doosro ke baare me bolne se tumhare Railway budget me increased passenger fare kam nahin ho sakte, Dada

DT : Aaj mere paas railway station hai, coolie hai, railway canteen hai, Rajdhani Express hai, Shatabdi Express hai, tumhare paas kya hai?

SB : (emotionally) Mere paas … mere paas … Maa Mati Manush hai

(Bournvita quizmaster-turned-politician Derek O’Brien who was quiet all this while, suddenly perked up)

Derek : Full marks to you, Sudip Dada. Full marks. That’s the correct answer. Dinesh Dada, you have lost, now you got to resign. Mukul Roy will represent Railways in the next round.

Dinesh Trivedi : OK. OK. I realise I am not God. I am Dinesh. (and Dinesh Trivedi signed on his resignation letter)

(Pic courtesy : indiatvnews.com)

As you all know, Hindi was supposed to be the Roshtra Basha of India. Until one day, a few decades back, I went to the canteen in the Parliament building and ordered a chai. It took me 3 days to do so because of my accented Hindi.

It was on the eventful three days that the lawmakers of the country discovered, what a gender-bender the Rashtra Bhasha is. Suddenly, they forgot when to use Ka, when to use Ki and when to use ke !

The purest Hindi Bashis in the House and the staunchest Hindi Bashing elected members suddenly became thick friends to stop the massacre far exceeding the partition riots that they accused my proud mother tongue accented Hindi has caused.

Ever since, only lip service has been given to the supposed Rashtra Basha. Soon, the films in the anti-Hindi belt accepted Hindi speaking beauties and villains. They also intelligently used dubbed voice for Hema Malini, who is considered my closest competition when it comes to murdering a beautiful language.

Joy Hindi !

Me, Bharat Sorkar (not to be confused with yourself), requests you to please confer a Bharat Rotna, notify and elevate your humble air ferry service to inaccessible places of this vast nation including, heaven, paatol, and purgatory, to an arm of the Government.

We shall now have an Executive, Judiciary, Legislature and Hon’ble Bharat Rotna Pawon Hons.

This honorable act will also do away the need to create the Ombudsman or Jon Lok Pol. Because Bharat Rotna Pawon Hons will bring the corrupt and mighty down with ease.

Since all justice will be delivered by flying machines that do not fly, there is no fear of an all powerful Lok Pol who will become a Stalin.

That’s not all, to illustrate the shining rotna service of the Pawon Hons, you only have to check previous flying records.

The capabilities of the flying justice machines of the Pawon Hons is well-proven to be listed in this humble petition.

Bharat rotna for Pawon Hons!

Joy Hind !

Bharat Sorkar

(pic courtesy : www.eurocopter.com)