New Delhi : Virtually the entire UPA cabinet and several Congress MPs including Sonia Gandhi and Rahul Gandhi could not prevent Rajya Sabha MP from Assam, Dr Manmohan Singh from boarding the New Delhi-Guwahati Express on Friday night. A panic-stricken Dr Singh, who also has been India’s prime minister since 2004, said he was fleeing Delhi because of threats that opposition MPs will ask for his head after August 20.
“Manmohan Singh ji, I assure you that you will be safe,” said Sonia Gandhi to Dr Singh at the station, in full media glare. But Manmohan Singh was adamant he wanted to return to Assam. “That is my home. I had declared so in my Rajya Sabha election affidavit,” he replied. Government sources told Tenali Rama that the national capital is agog with rumours that the CAG report on Coalgate will endanger Manmohan Singh’s continuance at 7 Race Course Road.
Assam chief minister Tarun Gogoi, addressing a press conference in Guwahati, appealed to Dr Singh not to return to Assam. “I appeal to Dr Singh that he should stay in Delhi only. I have spoken to Sonia ji and she has assured me that Dr Singh will be safe,” he said.
Meanwhile, Union IT minister Kapil Sibal has been instructed to ban MMS and bulk SMS-es for a fortnight. “We want to show to the BJP that only the Congress High command has the right to ban MMS,” Sibal said. The ministry is also trying to assuage Dr Singh’s feelings by imposing restrictions on social media sites and websites that contain inflammatory material against the MP from Assam.
“Our north-eastern brothers need not feel insecure at all. We will do all it takes to save their jobs and provide security,” said Sushil Shinde, Union Home minister. However, Shinde was touched to the quick when Samajwadi party MP Jaya Bachchan asked me for a clarification on Assam.
“Sister, this is not a filmy issue,” he said, inviting protests from BJP’s resident film critic L K Advani who pointed out that the same cannot be said about Coalgate as several films like `Kaala Pathar’ and `Koyla’ have been shot in the coalmines.
“Amitabh Bachchan ji aur Shahrukh Khan ne bahut badiya kaam kiya tha dono filmo me,” he said. Tenali Rama has learnt that BJP leader Shatrughan Sinha is upset that Advani was `khamosh‘ over his acting performance in `Kaala Patthar’.
Note : Apologies in advance if anyone’s sentiments are hurt by this report. This is a work of satire.