No left turn, orders Mamata

Kolkata : Bengalimatrimony.com and Bongalliance.com have announced that singles looking for a partner will now have to clearly state their political preferences in their application forms on the websites. This is after the Trinamool Congress diktat that TMC workers and sympathisers should not marry CPM leaders or even anyone distantly related to them.

“This is the true poriborton,” said Sudipto Mukhopadhyay, CEO of Bengalimatrimony.com. “I know of many couples where the husband supports the CPI(M) and the wife is a TMC supporter. You can well imagine the marital discord. Didi’s diktat will ensure all Bengali families will see peace.”

CPM has described the TMC decision as a left-handed compliment and an acknowledgement of the fear that marriage to a CPM activist will make the gen-next of West Bengal also Leftist.

Sources in the Trinamool say this is only the first step. The Kolkata Traffic police has been instructed to remove `free left turns’ at all traffic intersections and make all stretches one-way. “All roads should lead only to Trinamool Congress. This will ensure smooth movement of traffic. We have been left behind for too long,” said a TMC leader. “

With Mamata not happy with Facebook posting four `controversial’ photographs, the TMC has also asked its cadre not to accept friend requests from CPM workers on Facebook. “If they poke you, poke them back. On Twitter, troll them. But do not become a follower of a CPM handle on Twitter.”

Other controversial proposals include penalising left-handed students five marks in the exam and handing out VRS to all government employees at Writers’ Building, who write with their left hand.

“It will be noted as an adverse comment in the Annual Confidential Report,” said the TMC leader.

It is also likely that Kolkata Knight Riders captain Gautam Gambhir may be gently persuaded to play right-handed instead of with the left. “We know it is not fair but at least in all matches that are played at the Eden Gardens, we want him to bat right handed. Or else, he can go back to Delhi,” said the TMC leader.

West Bengal’s ambassador Shahrukh Khan has hailed Mamata Banerjee’s decision and called it far-sighted. “I also wish to contribute to this. From now on, I will not stretch both my arms, while striking the Dilwale Dulhaniya pose. Only the right hand. Also please remember, my superhit film was called Ra.One, not L.One,” he added.