Mumbai : All guests flying on board Kingfisher Airlines on all sectors were handed over a note signed by Chairman Dr Vijay Mallya. Tenali Rama who too was flying on the Hyderabad-Bangalore route, got one. Here it is reproduced for the benefit of readers, a few of who may also be Kingfisher regulars. (The airline, let us clarify, not the beer).
You probably expect me to say Welcome aboard Kingfisher Airlines but you know what, as you board the aircraft, I can only glare at you. Now you don’t have to look so shocked. Isn’t boredom and utter dislike for the passenger written all over that pretty girl who just handed over to you this letter? You must be blind to have missed that, dude.
Yes, I intended to make Kingfisher Airlines the best in the world. And I borrowed till I could borrow no more. 6000 crores buddy, 6000. Did the figure hit you like Ravi Shastri’s tracer bullet? I bet it should. But while I tried, did you? Did you, I ask. You fly Kingfisher so that you can get those free pens and headphones. You fly Kingfisher because you get to ogle at those pretty girls in short red skirts. Yes, I have always aimed at delighting you and giving you nothing but the best, but what the heck did I get in return.
Today as Dips turned 26, Sid requested me to give all passengers a treat. I am a magnanimous dad so I said ok. Let the passengers enjoy. So we, in a never before gesture in the history of world aviation, announced a 26 rupees, across the board cut in air fare for all passengers flying on 5 January.
But Brutus rules this world. The State Bank of India to who I owe some 1500 crore rupees, had the cheek to call my airline a non-performing asset. WTF. Non-performing asset. NPA. I admit, after getting addicted to my whisky and other brands of liquor, guys and gals become NPAs. But just because my airline gives a high too, to call it an NPA is hitting below the belt. Especially on Dips’ birthday.
It has been my passion to deliver a world-class experience. Truly world-class, let me clarify, not the Suresh Kalmadi kind. But to say today that many airlines, including Kingfisher to unsafe to fly in, OMG. And DGCA also says Kingfisher should be wound up. Is this some joke? I can only LOL and Sid will most likely ROFL.
So on that cheerful note, I bid adieu. You are safe, I assure you. This pilot does have a license. We have sacked the pilots who were flying with learner’s license.
So sit back and enjoy the Kingfisher experience. If you have anything to say, don’t bother. If you still do, mail me at email@example.com
Warm personal regards,
Dr. Vijay Mallya
Kingfisher Airlines Limited