Bear with us, drink more beer, pleads Mallya

Bangalore : Vijay Mallya wants every Indian to drink more Kingfisher beer. In a message to the nation, Dr Mallya whose Kingfisher Airlines is in very turbulent weather, says it is time for every patriotic countryman to stand by him, in this hour of crisis.

“I am not asking you to fly Kingfisher. You cannot since we have cancelled most of the flights. But if you buy a crate of beer every week, 20 per cent of that revenue will be ploughed into the airline and we will be high again. When I say “high”, I clarify I mean the airline and I will be the King of Good Times once again,” Dr Mallya wrote.

The appeal seems to be having an effect. Ramesh Srivats tweeted from Bangalore : “Hey Vijay Mallya, I tried my best man. All evening.”

UB sources told Tenali Rama that Plan B is almost ready, with finishing touches being given to several out-of-the-box ideas to complement the drive to drink more.

Royal Challengers Bangalore will play the next IPL season without remuneration, with Mallya promising to give all the players and support staff a bonus if Kingfisher turns around by IPL 6. He will also promise that son Siddharth Mallya and his close friend Deepika Padukone will watch every RCB match together and cheer every boundary together. That, UB group officials believe, will be the incentive for RCB fans to root for the team and Mallya.

With the government raising the investment limit from 70000 rupees to 1 lakh rupees in Provident Fund scheme, Mallya will request Indians to put that extra 30k into Kingfisher for the same rate of interest.

“In return, we will offer them gifts,” said a Kingfisher spokesperson. “A Kingfisher bikini girls calender to every investor who puts the entire 30000 rupees. Those who put 20k will get a poster of Virat Kohli who plays for RCB. And those who put only 10000 rupees, will get a poster of Saharasri Subroto Roy, who bought Mallya’s stake in Force India F1 team recently.”

A suggestion from a staffer that passengers be asked to return the headphones and pens they took whenever they flew Kingfisher Airlines has however, been vetoed by Mallya.

(Pic courtesy : www.telegraph.co.uk)